Frozen hearted

So I've been forced to watch frozen every day for the last 3 months. Yay toddlerhood lol. Anyways I've watched it so many times I started to notice that there's a way deeper meaning to the movie. Yes it's full of catchy songs and the love between sisters but there's one song that I really read between the lines. 

In the lyrical number between the prince and the not so important sister they sing about finding each other and how they're each other's true love. They sing about how love is an open door. After listening to it a million times I realize that although they are both singing the same words it has different meanings for the both of them. While she's singing about him being the love of her life and opening the door to the ending her loneliness, he's singing about her being the open door to wealth, prosperity, fame and hopefully the throne. 

How many times have we, me, anyone been singing one song and thought the other person was singing the same tune? How many times have we been in love, like and the thought the other persons intentions were the same. Recently a friend of mine admitted that they knowingly were doing this. It actually shocked me because I never thought that someone could really be this deceptive. Although I wasn't the one on the receiving end I could feel the others persons pain. To me it is the true definition of being played. I mean what else do you call it? When you pretend to be someone you're not you've become an actor. 

Truthfully all of us have played someone, or something to get what we want in life. The thing to remember is while a world is a stage, all of us will exit it one day one way or another. How would you like to be remembered? 

Scratch a liar, find a thief

One of traits I despise the most is that of a liar. It's just so unpleasant, mean and down right hurtful. I think the only thing I hate more than lying is the art of thieving. Yes I know they're both horrible personality traits to have but I think thievery  gets me the most. Now I'm not talking about petty thefts (although those are still bad) I'm talking about someone taking something that you will never get back, didn't belong to them, had to lie in order to get  sneaking around, thief in the night type of stealing. 

When I facilitated substance abuse groups I would have each person go around and talk about the worse thing they ever stole. Some  would say cars, tvs, cell phones, money etc etc. I would ask them in this task to dig deeper and think about other things they may have stolen. I always received the response "what else is there?"

Of course there was something else. It's something that can never be replaced. Trust, peace of mind, security, love, confidence, these are all things that are worth more than gold. But just like gold they all can be stolen. 

When you take something that doesn't belong to you, it becomes a part of your being. Not the object or the emotion itself but the characteristics of a thief have now become your headshot. People look at you differently. Speak to you differently (if they even speak at all) or they just stop dealing with you all together. You have now become the person no one wants to associate with. And if you have any moral fiber in your being you can feel it without anyone saying a word. I've always felt that when you do something you know instinctively is wrong you do anything to hide or cover it up. The shame is so deep you can't bring it into light. But that's ok because eventually everything , no matter good or bad shines though. 

So as I take today and reflect on the thievery I've witnessed in the last couple of days I pose this question. How long do you think you can live in the darkness? 

Wait for it

Yayy every single person in the worlds favorite holiday is coming up, yup you guessed it, valentine’s day. Now I really don’t think that this is truly the most anticipated holiday for singles,  in fact I know it’s far from it. I myself am dreading it. I’ve tried to think of activities I could come up with, even asked a single friend if they wanted to do something fun, but that even came with a small ounce of rejection. I started thinking to myself why is this holiday,  which is not really a holiday filled with such joy? I guess for those with a significant other it’s something to celebrate. It’s a day to tell that special someone how much you love them. But to some without that special someone it’s filled with depression, sadness, rejection, guilt, insecurity and a host of negative feelings.  And to avoid those negative feelings some people will become so desperate to be with someone on this one day of the year that they settle for anyone that crosses their path.  A quick fix is what I call it.

Recently I’ve been thinking about my own singleness and what it means or even looks like to others. To me it’s a place I’m currently at in life and I’ve become comfortable with it. Not saying that I don’t have any hope of ever being with someone but rather that I’m not putting all my hope in to finding someone. Instead I have turned my hope inwardly and focused on being with myself. For years I have been guilty of being a “serial dater”. I’ve gone from one relationship to another with the goal of avoiding loneliness. But no matter how many relationships I entered I was always alone. Perhaps it’s because I had the same relationship over and over again. The relationship may have been with someone else but it was still the same relationship. The same drama, the same tears, the same expectations the same same.  Nothing was different except the name of the person I was dating.

Finally at the age of 33 I have become content with being with me, myself and I. I no longer look for another person to fulfill me and instead look inside myself to find me, love me, date me, and be kind to me. So this Valentine’s Day if you are lucky enough to have people that platonically love you spend time with them, or if you’re lucky enough spend time with yourself. After all you never know how long you may have to just be with you.

Teddy grahams

Yesterday I was cleaning and I found my old teddy bear. I used to love that bear when I was little. I would carry it wherever I went. School, market, laundry mat wherever I went teddy went to. It was my best friend. As I got older I stopped carrying teddy around and would leave him home more and more. My parents would say “hey you’re leaving teddy behind.”  My best friend,  who was my road dog, my ace, my number one I used him and then I forgot all about him. I found other toys that I thought were better were newer, shinier, had more bling and left poor rusty dusty teddy in the closet.  Part of me found it embarrassing to be carrying that old bear around because he had lost is “teddy appeal”. He was no longer attractive to the eye as you might say.

Sometimes in life,  even when get older we treat people like my teddy. We have people who’ve been there through the hard times in life and when we think they no longer serve a purpose we discard them. We may not do it purposefully but never the less we forgot about those that had our back from the very start. We pull them out when we need them but just as soon as they’ve completed their task we cast them away again. They too have lost their “teddy appeal”. Our other friends don’t like them, they aren’t attractive enough, or we just are embarrassed to be seen with them. But never the less when we need something we just reach deep in that closet and call them up.

It’s important for us to remember that unlike my teddy bear people have feelings.  And also unlike my teddy bear humans are fragile and can’t be mended so easily.  You can’t use a needle and thread to sew up a heart so be careful not to tear it.