Wait for it

Yayy every single person in the worlds favorite holiday is coming up, yup you guessed it, valentine’s day. Now I really don’t think that this is truly the most anticipated holiday for singles,  in fact I know it’s far from it. I myself am dreading it. I’ve tried to think of activities I could come up with, even asked a single friend if they wanted to do something fun, but that even came with a small ounce of rejection. I started thinking to myself why is this holiday,  which is not really a holiday filled with such joy? I guess for those with a significant other it’s something to celebrate. It’s a day to tell that special someone how much you love them. But to some without that special someone it’s filled with depression, sadness, rejection, guilt, insecurity and a host of negative feelings.  And to avoid those negative feelings some people will become so desperate to be with someone on this one day of the year that they settle for anyone that crosses their path.  A quick fix is what I call it.

Recently I’ve been thinking about my own singleness and what it means or even looks like to others. To me it’s a place I’m currently at in life and I’ve become comfortable with it. Not saying that I don’t have any hope of ever being with someone but rather that I’m not putting all my hope in to finding someone. Instead I have turned my hope inwardly and focused on being with myself. For years I have been guilty of being a “serial dater”. I’ve gone from one relationship to another with the goal of avoiding loneliness. But no matter how many relationships I entered I was always alone. Perhaps it’s because I had the same relationship over and over again. The relationship may have been with someone else but it was still the same relationship. The same drama, the same tears, the same expectations the same same.  Nothing was different except the name of the person I was dating.

Finally at the age of 33 I have become content with being with me, myself and I. I no longer look for another person to fulfill me and instead look inside myself to find me, love me, date me, and be kind to me. So this Valentine’s Day if you are lucky enough to have people that platonically love you spend time with them, or if you’re lucky enough spend time with yourself. After all you never know how long you may have to just be with you.