A while back I blogged about my “crush, my love struck
sensation, my shoulda coulda woulda. Well I think its time I let that torch
burn out. Matter a fact I think I’ll do
more than let it burn out, it’s time to cover it with dirt and give it a
funeral. Now you may ask why I’m giving
up? Why, when I’ve never even said how I truly feel? After much thought I know
this is something that’ll never be and me wishing and hoping is only pushing me
in the option direction of my own growth.
With this it gives me an opportunity to issue a retraction. In my previous post (la la la la la la) I said
it was ok for me to daydream, nope I was 100% wrong. It’s bad for me personally
to daydream, night dream about something that I know will never happen. See while I thought I was just daydreaming I
never woke up, until now.
So I’m going to take this time to write a goodbye letter to
my secret love:
Dear ________,
I have
to let you go. While I never was holding onto you physically, I was holding
tightly on to you mentally. I realize that it hurts me more than it would ever
hurt you. Not because you have done anything directly to hurt me, but because
even thinking about you makes me a prisoner of constant rejection. But the joy in this is that while I’m the prisoner , I’m also the warden and I’ve
decided that my confidence credentials make me overqualified for the job of a
prisoner. So I’m opening up the cell I’ve placed myself in, walking out and
throwing away the key.
So with that……..I’ll miss you but
goodbye
Your posts secretly speak to me lol. Sounds like a situation I also had. I realized years into the "relationship" that I was cheating myself. I was holding on to something that I knew was bad for me. I think I just didn't want to be alone; so many people stay in relationships because they don't want to be alone, no realizing that you can still be lonely in a "relationship".
ReplyDeleteGreat post. Glad you said goodbye!
Very poignant, thought provoking and soul searching - thanks. We all been there
ReplyDelete